Merriam-Webster's first definition of vulnerability is stated as "capable of being physically or emotionally wounded." Is this really the best definition? It seems so negative, even some of its synonyms such as defenselessness, weakness and frailness lead one to run from the possibility of vulnerability. One synonym, however, hugs vulnerability with warmth..............openness.
In the throws of a single moment I had verbalized a sentence containing a word that many women think about but rarely admit, let alone say aloud so early in a relationship. It wasn't the word that the Plain White T's sing in the song "1,2,3,4 " but rather a word of the next level. Yes, it's true, I had said the word "marriage."
I had found myself thinking about marriage and what it would be like, feel like, look like. The sentence I had uttered was,"When do you think you'll be the marrying type?" There it was in all its awkward glory. It was like sticky taffy in the air and was slowly oozing toward the floor. Ugh....I was flushed and couldn't believe the words left my mouth. I was trapped by all their stickiness. What would be my next move? Hahaha! In a single moment I lacked words of any value and searched for an exit. Somehow, though, you managed to keep me right there in your "tell me more" way. Seriously? We're not going to run from this? OK.
The vulnerability I felt was there, but defenselessness wasn't a word I would use to describe it. I fumbled with fear and embarrassment as the conversation jerked and meandered along. In that moment, the field of openness and all the flowers it contained began to appear. When you are with someone who is willing to explore, without judgement or ego, vulnerability becomes more of an exercise in openness and an opportunity to learn more about the other person. It can take a lifetime to find your person and sometimes you don't. A lucky few experience vulnerability with a person who greets it with a "tell me more" curiosity and the ability to hold you gently. We should all be so lucky to be greeted and held in that way.
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