I felt myself falling to the ocean floor waiting to hit the bottom but secretly hoping to hit my head on the reef along the way.
Where does numbness take you? It can take you into the quiet solitude of despair. It's that dream state of floating outward and drifting sideways. When you find your heart has given way to a slow ooze, that takes its throbbing ache out through the sides of your body. You watch yourself get heavier and smaller....who knew that trying to disappear could make you feel like an old anchor drifting toward the depths of the ocean floor. You wait to hit the soft sandy bottom and can't believe how long it's taking. And then you begin to feel that sharp ache well up inside again as you beg your lifeless form to hit the bottom hard so that you can die quickly. This is what a heart, once filled with hope, love and dreams of tomorrow, feels like when it is breaking slowly and the hand you held no longer reaches out to you to share the journey.
None of this has been said to hurt you but rather to express what I feel in this moment. Tomorrow may be different.
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